Love, Naziela :)

" Her heart was a secret garden, the walls were very high " Why must it be was? Why must it be were? Why must the sentence in past tense? Why is it not in present tense? Why? Those questions kept floating in mind, asking myself, why past and not present. But then, my inner side answered " Because you were once a strong girl, but ever since you fell for someone, you've changed to a complete stranger. Your current personality is the opposite of the real you " *Shhh!* No words could be said as a respond to such answer. I cried, if and only if tears in blood exist then at that particular moment my tears would be in blood, not those crystal clear kinda tears. In fact, typing all these out makes me burst to tears. I wonder why must I change to someone who is weak inside out? People complimented me for being so brave, and somehow I always act like a warrior in front of everyone. But honestly, I'm just a normal girl who would easily drown in a sea of sadness.  ...

I undeniably love waking up as early as 1 or 2 and sometimes at 3 am since i would get to settle loads of things. Study, date with Allah, and even stalk my fav person on earth so far hehe. You know the moment when you are so tired with this world, you just want to detach yourself with everything and relax by spending time complaining to Allah regarding what had happened even though obviously HE is all-knowing. Means even if we feel lazy to express them out, HE still knows, regardless. Three things which would definitely boost my study mood : - date with Allah - telling mommy ayah everything. I would call either one of them everyday(it depends. Sometimes dad sometimes mommy). Because i know whatever thing which i share, they will give advices, mostly asking me to be patient, dont give up, work smarter, think about whats the good in everything iam doing etc. Ohmy, my heart hurts. Missing them badly! - stalking H . For those who read my previous post definitely know who H is haha. My...

Standing at the corner of my room, looking at the magnificent view of the sky from the window, imagining what i might be doing if iam home makes me misses home real bad. I miss the moment when i could literally relax without thinking of integration, first order, biodiversity etc. No, i am not physically fatigue to be honest. Iam more to mentally exhausted. Each day and night i would stay up to finish up all the assignments, need to constantly be prepared if suddenly lecturers plan to do quizzes, must always one step ahead from the others in terms of studies. It's tiring, undoubtedly. Worst is when you study solely because of wanting to get excellent grades in exams. That itself doubles up your tiredness because it's obvious enough that youre not sincere. Youre studying because of grades? Then, will you gain anything? I bet after exams, most of what we have learned vanish in a blink of an eye if we study without pure intention in trying to seeking new knowledge. How sad. " ...