Mommy....

the one who will nag at me non-stop when i do something wrong or sometimes good but she'll nag nevertheless, supports me at all costs, cheers me up when i am so down, smiles at me even tho she's in pain, sacrifices everything just to make me happy, always gives me the last piece of any foods which we share together despite her stomach asks for more, hugs me tightly whenever i lose hope in life(this reminds me of the moment i cried when i didnt get call a day before spm result being released, mommy literally hugged me, comforted me with her sweet and loving words), advices me in whatever situations, pushes me to my maximum level because she knows me best, and... the list goes on and on...


it tears my heart apart nowadays,
seeing her crying due to pain. she seldom sick before this. she walked around like a Wonderwoman, stood on her feet for hours without any complaints, and when she's physically fatigue, she didnt care, she will still try her very best to be the best mom of all. inspite of the garang side of her, she still loves us whole-heartedly. we(my siblings and I) got canned for countless times and when we cried, she wont coax us but i know, i just know that deep down in her heart, she felt hurt seeing tears rolled down on our cheeks. but thats the only choice she had in order to educate us to be better :')


but,
now,

due to the diseases which she needs to deal with,
she got fever for so many times, sometimes you can see her lying on the bed helplessly. you need to be there beside her 24/7 since there's nothing much she could do. it hurts me so bad when i realise she lost weight tremendously, her legs are so small now, as for that, she can no longer stand properly even for merely an hour. she will ask for a chair etc etc.  i just.... i am just 18. in fact, i havent even reach 18 since my birthday is on 20th June.


i cant imagine my life without her. the backbone of my life... i cant... mom looks old now. no matter how hard she tries to be happy, i can still feel her sadness which is hiding beneath her smile. mommy is not strong enough. not as strong as before. i dont know... i cant explain how exactly i feel right now... my emotions are all mixed up, honestly.


one thing,
dont leave me mom. not now, not forever. i would prefer leaving this world first.. even when the smallest test approached my life, i cried like a mad person, so can you imagine how bad my condition would be if my loved one leaves.... forever?


o Allah,
please take a good care of mommy and ayah while i am busy pursuing my study in the future. gives her the chance to see me be a successful person in both dunia wa akhirah. Allahumma Aamiin.

let's appreciate our moms while they are still alive <3


I love you, mommy. the one and only my Guardian Angel *wipe tears*












Yours sincerely, 
Atiq/Adik


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